Why do I even care ? Is this normal?

It sounds to me like you were never able, or allowed to, grieve for the loss of your husband (the man you thought he was) and your family. People were always telling you how you should feel, what a bad person he is, completely discounting that he wasn't always this way and that you love(d) him. Let yourself grieve, but do not let yourself back into the cycle. Any person who chooses drinking over the safety of an infant doesn't deserve another chance.